The Bone Trilogy: Out from Boneville (A Novel Version)
by KHB123
Summary: Three Bone cousins are run out of Boneville due to their greedy cousin's disastrous scheme. Eventually the trio wander into a strange land where they get themselves separated by a swarm of Locusts. Book One of the Bone Trilogy. (This is basically my written version of the illustrated book "Bone" by Jeff Smith, with a few personal OCC touches. I do not own Bone!)
1. The Map

**I**

**The Map**

Once upon a hot afternoon under the blazing red sun, three cousins finally stopped their long running trek in the middle of a desert, panting as the sweat dripped from their bodies like water from milk.

These cousins were not ordinary folk. And though short and dwarfish, they were not your everyday dwarfish folk.

They were called Bone. To the ordinary eye, they were a peculiar looking folk, as they were a peculiar type of people. Little alabaster blobs with no hair and a bulbous nose, eight stubby fingers and no toes on two floppy big feet and very few selective clothing.

...

_"Huff-huff..._Made it! At last! _Huff...huff...HAH...!" _With a loud verbal sigh, Fone Bone let his armful of supplies fall at his and Smiley Bone's feet as he struggled to catch his breath, completely wiped out. He was never much of an athlete. Smiley, however, could breeze across a few miles without breaking a sweat…until now. They had been running and stopping for _weeks_.

As usual, he and his taller cousin ended up carrying everything in the long run, but he was small and carried more than the average, and that was only half while Smiley had the other average half. All because _someone (he gave his third smaller cousin Phoney, the bane of their dilemma, the stink-eye) _shoved his share of 'light' load into Fone Bone's arms before they finished escaping the first mile out of Boneville.

Standing next to him, beating his averagely short stature by two Bone feet, his taller cousin Smiley with his signature hat, vest, and toothy innocent smile lit one of his many cigars with a laid-back calm that worried over nothing, while the other (who was close to Fone Bone's size, give or take a millimeter) practically stumbled and crawled ten to twenty steps ahead until, with a dramatic heft, he slumped his black-sweater self with the star like a heavy bundle over a rock.

Managing to catch his breath, Fone Bone peered behind them. "Still no sign of the townspeople," he rasped.

"HEY! Ya hear that, Phoney?" Smiley called to the small Bone in the shirt. "Th' coast is clear!"

The little Bone in the rumpled shirt and the grumpy brow collapsed on the boulder with a sweaty wheeze, looking absolutely miserable.

"Look at him!" Nonchalantly the tall Bone gave a wave of his cigar at the former, before sticking it in his teeth. "We got chased outta Boneville over two weeks ago, an' he's still mopin' around! Ah well!" He turned to his other little cousin with the widest toothy grin. "I guess you can whine all you want when yer th' _richest_ guy in the whole town!"

"AAAAHHHH!"

"Ooops! Silly me. _Ex_-richest!"

The little Bone sighed and lit cousin Smiley's cigar. "Don't get him started."

"THEY CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" Phone ranted in high-pitched wail with normally gruff-and-tuff tone. He shot up in a dramatic swoon. "You can't do anything to a RICH person that he doesn't WANT! GASP! OH!" He reached out toward the sky mournfully. "Th' HORRIBLE INJUSTICE OF IT ALL! I"M STILL REELING WITH SHOCK!" His hand clenched to a fist, his star-plastered chest puffed out. "I'm a respected community LEADER! A SHINING PILLAR OF MORAL STENGTH!"

_Here we go again._ Fone Bone rolled his beady black eyes and rummaged through his knapsack. Why oh why did he have to be the mature one? It made people forget that he was the youngest of the three, the kid brother...

"…So a couple of shady business deals went sour…Is THAT any reason to run th' most BELOVED BONE in Boneville out on rail?!"

"Yes," said Fone Bone bluntly, pulling out the folded parchment that was their map.

"Beloved? Th' mayor decalred a school holiday just so th' kids could come and throw rocks at you!"

"Ingrates! Oh, they'll rue th' day they chased Phoncible P. Bone outta their crummy ol' town!" Phoney sniffed.

"Now, now, little buckeroo, don't be sad!" said Smiley, taking off his hat. He gestured toward the sky with his cigar. "It's a beautiful day! There's not a cloud in the sky!"

Fone Bone wiped the drips of sweat of his bald white head. "Good point, Smiley," he panted. He opened the map, squinting as he tried to concentrate through his own dehydration. "If we don't find some shade soon, I'm gonna have a stroke!"

_"Hey…"_ Smiley leaned a little towards his smaller cousin and muttered quietly at the corner of his mouth behind his hat so Phoney wouldn't hear, _"…I'm just tryin' to cheer him up, okay?_ Ty thinking about something besides you money!" he said, dropping his hat just as swiftly as he switched back to Phoney, his wide grin returning. "Take _me_ for example! _I_ never had a penny in my _life_!" He lifted his arms to the sky. "But I'm not sad! I got no responsibilities! I'm free as a bird!"

"A bird? Ha!" Phoney laughed bitterly, while Fone Bone put his previous chart away to pull out another. "More like a mangy, stray dog who doesn't eat very often!"

Smily lowered his arms with a thoughtful look. "Well…true!" With one hand on his hip, he flicked his cigar at Phoney. "But you get my point!"

"HEY! FONE BONE!" yelled Phoney, finally sitting up.

"What?" Fone Bone tried to focus on the new map, hoping to block out his cousin's loud, obnoxious voice, but his cousin with his permanent scowl was already marching down the rock towards him, the navigator of the group.

"Have you figured out where we are yet?" Phoney demanded. "What's takin' so long?"

Fone Bone lowered his map and searched their surroundings. "I'm working on it! Hmmm….That's strange. That mountain range isn't on any of our charts––"

"Lemme see that!" Phoney snatched the map away, while a startled Fone Bone protested, "Hey!" The former opened the map, and then huffed. "_Here's_ your problem, Fone Bone!" he said, after only a second of studying the map, and gave the paper a whack at the bottom. "We're _off_ the map!" He shoved it back to his cousin. "Get a bigger map!"

"That's as big as maps get!"Fone Bone gestured at the desert beyond the map. "We're in _uncharted_ territory!"

"Well," Phoney snapped his fingers, "get us back!"

Fone Bone took the map back to continue looking. "I can't! We're lost!"

Smiley popped his head in. "To boldly go where no Bone has gone before!" he loudly announced.

Flinching, Phoney glared up at him over his shoulder. "Stick a sock in it, cabbage head!"

After Smiley had already backed away, Phoney turned back to Fone bone. "Don't get me wrong, Fone Bone," he said gruffly, "I'm grateful you were able to get me outta town, but tell me…" He thumbed over his shoulder at Smiley, who was sitting in the pile of the supplies and pulling out the canteens for water, "…_why_ did you hafta go an' bring _him_ with us?"

Fone Bone didn't even look up from the map. "To torture you."

Eyes widening, Phoney pointed at him accusingly. "I KNEW IT!"

"Hey Phoney! Bad news..." Smiley tipped their last canteen over and gave it a shake. One drop. "We're out of water!"

"THAT'S THE LAST STRAW!" hollered Phoney, whipping around.

"Don't get mad at Smiley Bone!" snapped Fone Bone, finally lowering his map to glare at Phoney's back. "This mess isn't _his_ fault!" He gave the older Bone cousin's back a jab with his finger.

"That's right!" agreed Smiley. "Th' townspeople aren't mad at us! They ran you outta town 'cause you're a selfish, little greed bag!"

At first Phoney said nothing…then he collapsed, his eyes widened with panic. "I can't believe it!" he rasped. "Not only am am I broke––" He grabbed his neck as if he were choking, "––Now I'm gonna DIE broke!"

He started coughing and gasping, while Fone Bone just watched with a look of annoyance. "Oh, stop it!" he said. "You're not gonna die! I just hope you learned your lesson!"

"WATER!" Phoney just continued as if he didn't hear. Dizzying swirls seem to appear in his eyes as he began to sway. "I need water! I can feel my tongue cracking!"

His tongue lolled in emphasis, and Fone Bone rolled his eyes with a sigh.

Ever melodramatic was Phoncible P. Bone, his flesh and blood…!

"Hey, cousins, look what I found!" Smiley rushed over in excitement, gripping something in his hand. It looked like a dried up piece of parchment. "I think it's a map!"

"?!"

Interested, Fone Bone and Phoney both perked up as Smiley, after a quick scan of the supposed-map, looked up with his usual grin as the smaller Bones gathered around. "Sure enough! Look!" He pointed over their heads at the row of red-jagged pointed up ahead. "It's a map of that mountain range!"

"I'm saved!" Phoney beamed, and made a grab for the map. "Give it to me!"

"Ah-ah!" Smiley held the map out of reach. "Gimme a dollar first."

Phoney blinked. "What?"

"Go on, Phoney!" Fone Bone encouraged. "Give him a dollar!" Phoney whipped his head at hime in outrage.

"WHAT?!"

"We're lost int the middle of th' desert!" the younger Bone exclaimed exasperatedly. "Give him a dollar!"

"Grrrrrr!" Phoney growled, whisked out a hidden dollar, and slapped it in Smiley's extended hand while grabbing the map in a single exchange. "Alright, alright…Gimme that––HEY!" With one full look at the map, his face contorted in angered disbelief. "What the––What is this?" The doodles on the map were barely comprehensible, other than the triangular shapes that did seem to resemble mountains. "This looks like it was a drawn by a five year old! This thing is worthless!"

"It's worth a _dollar_!" Smiley stretched out his brand new buck.

"Why YOU––!" Phoney lunged at Smiley , but was abruptly stopped by Fone Bone. "Let me GO!"

"Calm down––"

"I'm gonna KILL HIM!"

"––we gotta keep it together––!" Fone Bone grunted, grabbing hold of Phoney's nose as he held on to his struggling cousin. He was afraid that they would reach this point, to when Phoney finally snapped.

Actually, Phoney had snapped at least ten times since they were run out of Boneville...but now, without food or water or a properly coordinated map that would actually help them, they might end up killing one another: Phoney starting with Smiley, then Fone Bone on Phoney, and then finally the heat and dehydration on Fone Bone!

(Guess it _was_ true when folks brag about banishment being worse than death, Fone Bone thought. Least of all when you're banished with someone like Phone Bone!)

"Hey, cousins! Heads up!" Smiley was standing near the edge of the cliff to look over the view. "We got company!"

Phoney stopped, his anger switching to panicked terror. "OMIGOSH! It's the townspeople! Quick! Hide me!"

"Sh-sh, wait a minute!" Fone Bone placed a hand up to listen. "You hear that?"

ZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZ…The thrumming buzz gradually pierced the heavy silence of the desert, beginning to crawl like cold tingles along the smaller Bone cousins' skin. It seemed to be coming from over the cliff where Smiley was standing…and it did _not_ sound like an angry mob.

With growing dread, the smaller Bone cousins exchanged a nervous glance, before rushing over to the taller Bone. "Smiley! What's that noise?" asked Fone Bone.

"Is it th' townspeople?" demanded Phoney.

"Nope!" said Smiley cheerfully. "No people…"

When Fone Bone and Phoney reached Smiley's side at the cliff to see what he was looking at, their faces dropped in horror. The buzzing increased in volume. At first it looked like a dark cloud filling up a chasm, but the way they moved together, dissolving, shifting…_expanding_…they were alive!

Smiley, however, just puffed out his chest proudly as if he made an awesome discovery. "Just a bunch of locusts! Pretty neat, huh?"

There had to thousands, no, millions of locusts gathered together, their noise alone sending echoes across the plateaus of the desert valley, weighing heavily over the Bones' nerves like a literal gravitational force threatening to pull them under. Neither Bone had ever seen more than two grasshoppers put together their whole lives, let alone enough to form an entire mountain!

The sun started to vanish, a shadow starting to pass over them––their heads slowly started moving up. Even Smiley's grin started to waver.

…zzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZ…..

"Uh….is it just me…" stammered Fone Bone with wide eyes, "…or are they coming right at_ us_?"

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Their buzzing now fully in volume, the cloud of locust were towering above them, their formations moving in wavelengths as a few scattered grasshopper flew ahead and started diving toward the three cousins. Follow by the _rest!_

"WHOOOOOAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Fone Bone and Phoney were already charging in the other direction as the mass swarm of insects rose in a massive wave above the cliffs and began plummeting down over them. Smiley was still staring with that curious toothy grin, not seeming to be aware of the danger they were in.

"SMILEY!" Fone Bone screamed, while Phoney shouted, "RUN!"

"Hey, guys, wait for me––" As Smiley began to run after them, the tall Bone and goofy grin was almost immediately consumed by the swarm of locusts.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Phoney and Fone Bone screamed in terror, at Smiley's disappearance and at how swiftly the locusts were closing in on them within seconds. They had no choice but to keep running and could only hope that Smiley somehow had enough sense to make it out unharmed.

"SMILEY!" shrieked Fone Bone, glancing over his shoulder.

"What're you doing?!" Phoney gave him a push to turn back around and run faster. "Don't look back! Keep running, Fone––WAAAAAAAGH!"

Fone Bone leapt over a rock, as they began running down hill. "Phoney!" Still not looking back like Phoney told him, he heard his cousin's shriek and became worried. "Are you okay?" The buzzing grew unbearably loud. He started to feel the tickling and prickling sensation of locusts' wings battling around his face. Freaking out, Fone Bone started waving is arms and tried swatting them away with the rolled up map still in his hand.

"Whatever you do," he heard Phoney's voice cry out through the thunderous roar of buzzing, "don't stick out your tongue––PITT! POO! BLECK!"

"WAAAAAGH!" screamed Fone Bone, shutting his eyes as he felt the dark swarm of insects enclosed around him.

It was a living nightmare. The insects were everywhere! Nothing but buzzing noise, crawling legs, fluttered wings, scattering across his face, his ears, his nose, his mouth––

"BLEH! PTT! PTT! PUH!" Spitting out a few stray locust that he managed to catch his mouth while scream, Fone Bone coughed, choked, and spat in disgust as he continued running blind, desparately trying to find an opening. He tried to call out to Phoney and Smiley, but every time he opened his mouth, a locust or two managed to cut his off.

He couldn't breathe! He was suffocating! Fone Bone panicked even more, if that was possible. He needed to get out! He hadn't felt this trapped and claustrophobic since he was a kid, struggling on streets with Phoney and Smiley, during a traumatic situation. Anywhere, anytime, he prayed to all that was considered holy for him to just GET OUT––

Suddenly the ground disappeared beneath his feet. Fone Bone's eyes popped open. He was no longer surrounded by locust…and instead faced a plummeting fall of a cliff!

"Oh," was all he said, before he plummeted. The map slipped out of his hand.

Down he fell, spinning...

_This is it. _

.

.

.

…wheeling between the zooming ground and shrinking locusts…

_This is how I die, I guess. _

.

.

.barely missed a sharp cliff piled with rocks––

_Alone, just like what Phoney warned me about. Never thought it'd be death by locusts––_

PLOOF!

Head spinning, body stunned from the impact. Beside the fading sound of the thrumming locusts above, a whoosh of wind was the only present sound.

Moments later, Fone Bone's head shot up.

_I'm alive?!_

He looked left. He looked right. He looked up….and then he looked down. An angel-shaped crater formed around him in a pile of soft desert sand, clearly the reason his life was saved.

Dizzy with relief, Fone Bone then stumbled to his feet, almost falling flat on his face from the rush. His backpack was still strapped on, the only bit of luggage he didn't leave behind in the chase. Fone Bone shook his head in wonder, wincing as he rubbed his bum. His body was still aching from the landing, and will probably be extremely sore and bruised in the morning, but otherwise had no serious injuries. He really did get lucky!

"Hoooooh, I can't believe I'm still alive!" he gasped breathlessly, jogging to get a wide view of the cliff he felt from.

"PHONEY! SMILEY!" shouted Fone Bone, his voice bouncing up the plateau cliffs towering above him. Wow, was that how far he had fallen? That was a long way up! "GO BACK! DON'T COME THIS WAY! IT'S A CLIFF!" There was a no reply. Feeling uneasy, Fone Bone looked around, hunching his shoulders, suddenly aware how intimidating the channel walls surrounding him were.

"Maybe they're already down here," he muttered to himself, before raising his voice, "PHONEY BONE! SMILEY?** HEY! HEY, GUYS!**" he was now shrieking as loud as he could, echoing across the canyon walls until it hurt his own ears. It would put even _Phoney Bone's_ voice-box to shame. **"I'M DOWN THIS GULLEY! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!" **

"_…Can you hear me…can you hear me?…can you hear me?…" _It was probably a whole minute before the echoes of his voice faded away, and still there was no reply. If either Phoney and Smiley were here, they definitely would have heard it, and would have made sure without much effort that Fone Bone _heard_ them.

.

In the shadows of a nearby cave, a pair of ancient eyes slowly opened, interrupted from his long slumber.

To his right, standing outside the mouth of his cave, a small white creature with a nasally voice was shouting at the top of his lungs, before looking around. Looking lost. And scared.

But not scared enough.

_Curious._

"PHONEY––Say!" The bald, white creature paused when he spotted something lying on the dusty ground in front of a pitch-black cave. An old piece of parchment with the doodled lines…"There's that map! Huh…" He went to pick it up. Behind him, the pair of eyes watched him as he wiped dust off the map.

"I wonder if this really is a map of that mountain range," the little white creature muttered to himself, completely unaware that he was being watched from behind. "Maybe I better hang on to it!" He started rolling it up. "I might need it to Phoney Bone…" The creature scowled as he shoved the map into his bag, "…_again!"_

The little creature promptly swung his bag back on. "Hmmf!" he grunted, looking more determined and annoyed at the same time. "I'm always gettin' him outta trouble!"

The eyes watched the Bone stomp away, grumbling to himself. What a funny little fellow!

Then the keeper of the cave, for the first time in a long while, began to pull to his feet and follow.


	2. A Trail of Cigar Butts

**II**

** A Trail of Cigar-Butts**

"Well, cousin or not..." grunted Fone Bone, as he climbed over the lump of rocks high up the cliff, "...when we get back to Boneville...Phoney's gonna have to face the music by himself!" HE let out an even loud grunt as he pulled himself further up a steep ledge, the footing becoming less frequent as he neared the top.

"I've HAD it!" he wheezed, trying not to look down, even as the weight of his knapsack threatened to pull him off. "From now on, he can outrun angry mobs, an' fall off cliffs _without _my help!

"I mean..." With a slight pitter-patter of his feet to boost his energy, Fone Bone prepared to jump the protruding rock above him, "...what kind of a patsy does he take me for? URNF!" and jump he did, barely grabbing hold of the rough surface. "W-Whoooaaa!" he exclaimed, his heart leaping in his stomach as he felt his feet momentarily swing midair before they found a perch, however slippery and insecurely steep. Breathing heavily, he scrambled and kicked as he tried to pull his entire body over an even larger lump of the cliff, clawing at dirt and stone with his stubby little fingers.

Almost there. He was almost at the top. He can practically feel the ledge within reach.

"It's always..." he panted furiously, before imitating Phoney's grumpy tone, "'Fone Bone, you gotta _save_ me!,' or... 'Fone Bone, you gotta help me!' Why I oughta––" His hand eventually scrambled and gripped the rugged ledge of the top. Relieved, he managed to pull himself up, hoping to find his cousins waiting for him. Instead...

"Hey!" Fone Bone exclaimed, staring at the looming glens in front of him. "How'd I get so close to the mountains?!" He pulled himself up, looking frantically around. "Where IS everybody? Where's the locusts?!" Turning around, his jaw dropped and his panic spiked. "HUH?! NO WAY!" he cried out. "Ohmigosh! I climbed up the wrong side of the gulley! PHONEY! HEEELP! YOU GOTTA SAVE ME!"

But even when he was on the wrong side of the trench, he couldn't see his cousins on the right one either. They were no where in sight. He was as alone up top as he was down at the bottom.

"Oh, no," he groaned, starting to run along the ledge. "I don't see 'em! This is bad! This is really, _really_ bad! PHONEY! SMILEY! HEY!"

His voice echoed across the canyons. And just like before, there was no answer but his own.

Feeling lost and alone, Fone Bone could only stare out into the desert. He didn't know what to do. For all his big talk of wanting to go out on his own without Phoney nagging at every second of his life...Fone Bone was really scared of being alone. He never wanted to admit it, not even to himself, because heavens knew that he already knew that both Phoney and Smiley would remind him of it every time he would try to argue otherwise, but he was.

Because the truth was, he had never been out on his own before.

The young Bone just stood there, completely at a loss. Then a stub caught the corner of his eye. Glancing down near his feet, he reached down to pick it up. "A cigar butt!" he said, before looking ahead. "And another one!"

Running up the hill, feeling the heat of the sun on his back, Fone Bone quickly realized that he was picking up a trail of cigar butts. Which meant that Smiley was here before him!

"Jeez," he said softly, plucking the next stub as eagerly as a kid on the hunt for colored eggs, "I hope Smiley doesn't run out of cigars before I catch up with him."

The Bone creature ran up the hill, following the cigar butt trail.

A large shadow followed in the glare of the sun, large floppy ears perked and curious.

The heat of the desert beat down on him more heavily than ever as he continued to climb up the slope at the mountain's foot. The cigar butt trail had ended while ago, yet he had been hoping to run into either of his cousins eventually.

No such luck. The trail just kept going on and on and on and on––

"Huh...huh...huh...HUFF!" Dizzy and parched, Fone Bone collapsed on the ground, dropping his knapsack aside as he flopped. The sweat started to sting his eyes and the world continued to swim, but ahead of him he could see a flatter open trail guarded by pillars of rock and boulders leading to...wherever. In that moment, he was tempted to groan and bemoan like Phoney would..but he wasn't _that _far gone. "Where th' heck are those guys?" he panted. "We're goin' straight into the mountains!"

Fone sat up and leaned against the rock, pulling out the old map for a look. He tried to wipe the sweat out of his eyes, which were growing heavy with exhaustion. "I hope I can catch up to them before it gets dark," he said. "The _last_ thing I want to do is spend the night out here by myself!" Then he let out a large yawn. "...Of course, after a day like today, it's hard to imagine anything worse could happen..."

Yawning again, Fone Bone drifted to sleep.

* * *

_Darkness. The night was cool. The crescent moon had risen. Two shadows lurked in the darkness._

_"Light the torch."_

_Torch was lit, revealing two large, hairy beasts with with ape-like arms, razor-sharp taloned hands, horn-shaped ears and round buglike eyes. The little white mammal was fast asleep. He had been for hours, without so much as a stir or a snort. The creatures crept closer._

_"...Is it him?" one of them hissed. "Is it the one we seek?"_

_"...I cannot tell...Look for the star on its chest..."_

_One of the hairy creatures lifted the Bone's arm._

_"...No star...This isn't the one..."_

_"...No...It is not he...Very well...Kill it...It will be our supper..."_

_"Who's gonna be your supper?"_

_"HISSSS!" The creatures hissed and recoiled as a new voice––a deep, baritone voice––spoke up as a pair of eyes lit the darkness, reflecting the torch fire's light._

_"Go away!" hissed the creature holding the torch, while the other snapped, "Do not meddle in affairs that are too big for you, boy!"_

_In response, an enormous body, larger than the creatures, with a scaly hide of blazing scarlet rose in the light of the torch. Despite his tall flopped ears with bristly tuffs like the threadlike gruff on his chin, a tiny pinprick of a cigar sticking out of the corner of his mouth, the reptilian beast stood over the sleeping white mammal as he glared down at the shocked creatures. _

_"Wh' you callin' boy?" the great red dragon rumbled daringly._

_..._

Fone Bone had woken up at the sound of a high-pitched shriek, the thumping of a heavy half-lit stick trailing a thin line of smoke from a dying flame, and the sound of a raspy squeal sounding something like _"...The big red dragon...!"_

_Am I dreaming? _Fone Bone thought drowsily.

Then the rest of the flame went out, darkness smothering the area again.

Darkness? When did it become nighttime? "Oog..." Groaning, Fone Bone rubbed his eyes. "I must've fallen asleep. Where am I?"

"You awake?"

"Huh?!" Fone Bone just about jumped out of his skin as a new voice spoke up. It was deep and powerful, yet somehow calming with its rumbling dipthong like the thunderous roaring sound of a waterfall. "Who's there?"

"You got a light?"

"...Smiley? Is that you?" There was only one other person Fone knew who would constantly ask him that question…but this voice was deep and thunderous, contrary to Smiley's nasally higher-pitch. Convinced of this, Fone Bone sighed in relief. "Oh, boy, am I glad you're here! Hold on, I've got a match in my bag." Digging through his bag in the dark, his fingers searched for the spare match. "Sounds like you got a really bad cold, cuz!" he said. "Must be all those cigars you smoked and tossed! I keep telling you to break out of that bad habit, but I guess now I'm glad you didn't. Here!" Find one, Fone lit the match.

_Scritch! _

"Still," said Fone, focusing the little flame on the cigar as it lit the darkness, "after this I really think you oughta lay off the––" Glancing up, his words seized up in his throat when a big red, beastly face with lazing glowing eyes stared back…and in another instant, the flame blew out, swallowing Foen Bone into darkness and shock. "AHHHH!"

"Thanks for the light," the deep voice said with a breath of tobacco.

"Don't mention it," said Fone Bone numbly, his mouth moving on its accord.

There was silence.

_What the heck?! _Hands shook uncontrollably as Fone Bone dove back into his bag, found another match, and lit it with a _Scritch! _

"Hello?" Holding up the newly lit match, Fone Bone looked around frantically. "_Hello?"_

He was alone, greeted with nothing but dirt and rocks. Seconds later, the light on the match dissipated. Hearing nothing, seeing nothing, Fone Bone felt himself plop back on his tush, completely at a loss. What _was_ that beast smoking Smiley's last cigar? And it talked back to him! Was he dreaming?

His stomach grumbled. The young Bone slouched miserably. _Oh, man!_ he thought._ I gotta quit goin' to sleep on an empty stomach!_

_..._

Once the shock had passed, the chill of the night quickly caught on and the Bone started to shiver. Digging into his bag, he pulled out his spare blanket and bundled up, his teeth chattering in the darkness.

Sweltering hot in the day, icy cold in the night! Fone Bone thought to himself as he shivered throughout the night. Why did it have to be one or the other out here? He _hated_ the desert!

And he hated Phoney Bone for being the reason behind this situation he was in!

But still...

Still shivering, Fone Bone looked up toward the moon, the only light around the area. His cousin Smiley would say it looked like a Bone face gaping down at them, while Phoney would scoff and claim that it looked more like a nickel, a dime, a quarter, or even a silver dollar.

To Fone, the moon looked like many things: a face, a _sand_ dollar, a compass, a white sun, a white whale called Moby Dick…

_I miss Boneville._


	3. A Bug Named Ted

**III**

**A Bug Named Ted**

"Oh, Man! This ain't gonna cut it!" panted Fone Bone, supporting himself with one hand the rocky wall, after having hiked up a steep hill. Since the early morning, after shivering throughout the night in his sleep, with no other option but to keep moving in the direction the map led him, Fone Bone had been climbing and leaping across cliffs and gorges, struggling to keep his balance and use what little strength he had under the hot, desert sun.

He was tired. He was hungry. He was THIRSTY. And still, there was no sign of life, water, or any indication of civilization.

Just an hour ago, he had thought he was back in Boneville. He had seen mirages of lake water and ended by diving in a bed of sand instead. His tongue was still coated and dry with gravel. A couple of others times, he thought he had spotted Smiley and Phoney, and with a dry, cracked voice, Fone Bone had tried calling out to them, but they too disappeared.

Miserable and frustrated, and barely clinging to his sanity, Fone Bone just kept moving forward. He was really starting to miss Smiley's misguided positivity, and even Phoney's self-righteous complaining. They may be able to drive him insane, but they were his brothers, for all intents and purposes. They had never been apart for very long. They always looked out for each other.

If he was suffering now, he couldn't imagine how _they_ were doing? (Although he would pay to see Phoney suffering just a tad more in his absence, the mad part of him thought)

With the map still in hand, he tried to peer through the sweat stinging his eyes to review the contents. "I actually thought this map would take me through th' mountains ti this waterfall on here…"

Then he frowned, blinking as he remembered.

"...but of course if this thing were _real, _I would've come to th' pass by now! ERRRR!" He growled, more tired and frustrated than ever. He was caught between the urges to hit himself or throw the map on the ground where he can stomp his tired, aching feet for good measure.

"I'm so _stupid_! I bet this map was just one of Smiley's pranks––and I fell for it!" He slumped and just kept wandering hopelessly forward. "And to top to top it off, I haven't seen any more cigar butts all day…How do I get myself caught into these things? Oh well..."

Sighing, Fone Bone rolled up the map and stuffed in his bag. "I'll find those guys sooner or later…if I don't die of thirst…Until then––" He clenched his fists with a newfound determination as he stomped further up the hill, "––I just gotta KEEP MOVING FOR––"

He halted in his tracks. His fists unclenched, mouth dropped open.

"Oh."

Displayed in front of himself was a wide green landscape full of trees and rivers. Somewhere far on the left, a huge waterfall poured over a mountain cluff, while straight ahead, a crown of other mountain peaks loomed over the horizon, stretching further to the right from either side of the valley. From his high perch, everything could be seen.

He blinked once. He blinked twice, in case he was seeing mirages.

Even the scent in the air went from the dry and humid earthy terrain of the desert to a clean and slightly damp forest scent of grass and pine.

Distinctly more like Boneville.

"Cool," Fone Bone brightened, his frustrations long forgotten, "I made it!"

...

"That stupid map was right!" exclaimed Fone Bone as he slid down the slippery cliff with ease. He giddily tossed his bag ahead of him, hearing it land with a crunchy plunk on the leafy ground below him. "Yessiree, Bob! There's water on th' menu tonight!" He hung his feet over the edge before turning. "I could kiss Smiley Bone for finding that map!"

He let himself fall and land on his feet next to the awaiting travel pack. "I might even kiss _Phoney,_" he said giddily, "right before I strangle him, that is!" He spotted a tiny, familiar object in the grass and exclaimed excitedly, "And LOOK!" Running forward. "Another one of Smiley's cigar's stubs!"

It meant that Smiley had already reached the Valley. And if Smiley reached the Valley, then chances were that Phoney found his way here, too, if they hadn't done so together. Those two cousins of his were different as cheese and chocolate, but they had their own ways of getting around without Fone Bone's help, that he knew for sure.

_"HEY! WATCH IT!"_ Fone Bone froze mid-step and his eyes immediately followed downward toward the loud voice near his hovering foot…from a teeny, tiny clover-sized leaf? _"You almost stepped on me!"_

"Whoops!" Stepping back, Fone Bone hands hovered apologetically, blinking bemusedly at the talking leaf with a high-pitched squeaky voice with a shrill of a bumblebee. "Hello! What are you supposed to be?"

_"I'm Ted!"_ announced the leaf. _"I'm a bug!"_

Fone Bone slowly let his arms fall. "You look more like a leaf!"

_"A leaf?!"_ exclaimed the so-called reference with outraged indignation. The bug named Ted hopped in anger. _"That's an insult! Where's my big brother? BIG BROTHER!"_

Fone Bone held up his hands apologetically a second time, but with more amusement than before. "Hey, hold on! I didn't mean any harm! Besides, what could your big brother do to me?"

**"Is you pickin' on Ted?"** spoke a low, gruff voice.

"Whoa!" Fone Bone almost fell back in shock when a huge (and I mean _huge) _leaf-shaped bug with a bulky demeanor as intimidating as his large, lidless glare towered over him, appearing so suddenly that his weight didn't match his size. Even his voice sounded bulky (however verbally challenged), sending a tiny shiver through the unnerved Bone.

Of all the things that Fone Bone didn't expect this tiny leaf-bug's older brother to be, it certainly wasn't _this_.

"I––" Fone Bone struggled to find his words, "I just said he looks like a leaf…"

**"What are you?"** the giant leaf bug leaned further in threateningly, causing the Bone to flinch down. **"A trouble-maker? We don't need your kind in our valley!"**

Fone Bone gulped. Surely this bug wouldn't beat him up? He wasn't a fighter! This was all just a misunderstanding! He was tired, and thirsty, and just barely dragged himself out of a desert alive! He gave a pleading look down at Ted, who was observing the situation.

_"Well,"_ Ted spoke thoughtfully, _"I guess he didn't mean no harm, big brother! You don't has to hit him if you don't want!"_

The giant bug leaned even further with a glare.

_"Listentohim! LISTENTOHIM!" _Fone Bone practically squealed in panic, shutting his eyes and holding up his hand in defense as he half-prepared for the first strike.

Fortunately it never came.

**"Well, okay, Ted,"** said the big leaf-bug, straightening up as he dropped the scary look, **"if you say so…"**

"I'm not tryin' to cause any trouble!" Opening his eyes, Fone Bone quickly spoke to defend himself, before there were any further misunderstandings. "I'm just looking for my cousins! We got separated, an' now I'm lost! You wouldn't happened to know how to get to Boneville from here, would ya?"

**"Boneville?"** spoke Ted's big brother slowly.** "Never heard of it…" **Then he leaned again that dead-panned intimidating look that made the Bone feel as small as before. **"But you better find it––fast! It's Autmun now, an' winter strikes quick in these parts…an' when it does, nobody, an' I mean _nobody_, can get through those mountains…" **He leaned closer, eyes widening dramatically, **"…in or out!"**

"Oh…Right," said Fone Bone, mouth feeling dry.

**"So I seggest yous make yer visit here a short one, or you'lls be stuck fer the winter." **He felt an insect-like finger poke him in the chest. **"An' I don't think you wanna do that!"**

"N-No. D-Definitely not."

**"Good." **The giant bug backed up and turned to leave…and Fone Bone was even more surprised to noticed how narrow and flat the guy actually was! Like, w_hat? _

**"I'll let ya go for now. Since Ted here seems to like ya okay…but don't yo ****ferget! NO DAWDLIN'!" **he boomed.

Fone Bone was proud to note that he didn't flinch this time. "Thank you for not hitting me," he said instead, as Ted's big brother stalked off. The latter was surprisingly soundless when he walked away and disappeared through the trees, looking even more unnoticeable with his narrow end in sight.

_"Don't worry 'bout him," _spoke Ted near Fone Bone's feet._ "He's actually a real nice guy! Well…"_ He turned to hop down the road, "_now we gotta figger out out what ta do with ya…say! I know! I'll take ya to see Thorn! C'mon! What's yer name, mister?"_

Figuring that Ted was helping him after all, Fone Bone followed the hopping insect. "Fone Bone," he answered, before asking, "So who's this Thorn?" _What an odd name. "_He's not another big bug, is he?" he inquired worriedly. He has had his fill of giant scary insects for one day, thank you very much!

Ted laughed, sounding strangely thunderous with his tiny voice as he hopped. "Ho,_ ho, HO! NO! Thorn knows jes' about everythin' in th' whole world!" _Then he grew serious. _"But listen, Bone! Big Brother was right about winter! She hits fast! 'N' if you wants ta git home, you gotta do it before she snows!"_

"Don't worry!" Fone Bone followed the hopping leaf bug down the trail, briefly looking over his shoulder. "I'm just gonna find my cousins...an' then I'm outta here!"


End file.
